House of Glory: Past heartbreak leaving your future in doubt?

“May the Lord direct your hearts to the love of God and to the steadfastness of Christ.” (2 Thes. 3:5)

Is a past hurt hurting your future? Have you allowed your heart to become hardened?

Years ago I received an email with a simple message in it, simple yet profound. Some of you may know it. The advice reads as follows: Love like you’ve never been hurt. Work like you don’t need the money. Dance like nobody’s watching. It’s often in the simplest advice that the greatest insight is contained, and while this advice is usually seen in secular emails it still contains great theological truth.

We could write pages upon pages about “work like you don’t need the money”. If we are, indeed, following our vocation as we are beckoned by God to do (Jer. 1:4-8, 29:11), we will end up working that way…we will love what we do and be doing that for which we were designed.

At the same time, we could talk for days about the need to turn our backs to public opinion and perception, to “dance like nobody’s watching”. The entire foundation of Christianity is to follow Christ alone (Gal. 2:20, Rev. 15:4) and not to be led astray by others (Matt. 15:14).

While both of these aforementioned lines are challenging, it’s that first line that is especially hard for most of us…to love like you’ve never been hurt.

Do you? Do you love like you’ve never been hurt, or do you love so as not to be hurt again? Has a pain from your past suffocated your present or dimmed the brightness of your future? We were made in the image of God (Gen 1:26), that is, we were designed to love (1 John 4:19). We were designed to give love freely and to receive love gratefully.

And then sin entered. Or should I say, “sin enters"? Often times, as easily as love enters through a relationship, sin enters even more readily and more easily, because it is in relationships that we can focus more on the “I”, than the “love” or the “you”.

Have you ever given all of yourself to another person, only to have them use you for their own selfish gain? Have you ever used another but justified it in your own head? Have you been so hurt after sharing all of yourself, that you have allowed your heart to become hardened, your life guarded, so never to feel that pain again? Are you stuck in that prison of control and fear?

If so, you’re not evil, you’re human.
If so, you’re not alone, you’re in the majority.
And if so, you’re not really living, only breathing.

And have I ever felt that way? Of course I have. Everyone knows the pain of broken trust, a shattered relationship or lost love at one time or another in their life. The point, though, is not to allow yourself to be mastered by the past. Jesus is calling you forward. So, why do I bring this up? Read today's verse again. It's the love of God that is to direct our hearts.

Many people don’t find the relationships they so earnestly desire, because they have not allowed themselves to heal from the past. Rather than looking for the right person, they look for someone “unlike” the person that hurt them. That “logic” is illogical. Others fall into the trap of searching for someone the exact same, not learning from their mistakes; that, too, is failed logic.

What we need to realize is that Jesus Christ is the one by whom all must be measured. Jesus is "steadfast" as we are reminded in this passage. Is that to say we must find someone “perfect”, like Jesus? No, that obviously won’t happen. It is to say that we ought to find someone who strives to be selfless and to love offer and receive love as Jesus Christ, Himself, did.

Whether married or single, the same rule applies: Ladies, you will never enjoy the love you are designed to receive, until Jesus Christ is the man of your dreams. Only then will you live in such a way that other men will seek to mirror His divine image in your life and vocation. Gentlemen, you will never know the depth of true love until you are living as the man of God you were designed to become. Only then will you live a selfless kind of love, in the image of the Savior (Eph. 5:25) and really understand your vocation.

And if you want to read this “advice” as too idealistic or naïve…take some time and put it to prayer. Odds are that the time and pain have allowed the door of your heart to become locked; the emotional deadbolt is secure and in place, but it doesn’t have to be.

The only way to “take control” of your life, including your relationships, is to give up control to the One Who will bring you true life, true love, in His time, if you let Him. That might mean romantic relationships, it will definitely mean holier friendships, but it probably will start with your own spiritual preparation. God is not going to bring you the person you so desperately crave, until your heart is ready. If you’re still in pain from a relationship, talk to God about it today. Let God love you, first. Only then can you truly love (or receive the love of) another.