I Don't Want to Grow Up!

I remember the first time I saw the movie, "Peter Pan". I was a little girl, totally mesmerized by the character of Peter and wanted to be just like him.  After the movie was over, I immediately ran into my back yard and jumped out of a tree – trying to fly!  Fortunately, nothing was broken and I quickly decided I could be contented with being like Peter in other ways.  So I vowed to never grow up!  I agreed with him that the adult world seemed frightening; it was very large and demanding, completely beyond my control.

But life goes on and I somehow managed to navigate the treacherous waters of life, finding myself happily married with two children. Once again, I wish time would stop or at least slow down so my children would stay babies.  Of course, that wish didn't come true either.  Today, Jered is finishing college and Danna is starting.  They are wonderful young adults who bring us great joy and teach us so much about life.  The desire to grow is a healthy desire and a natural process in human development.

The same principle is true when it comes to our spiritual development and growth.  If the desire to grow isn't present in our lives, there's something wrong with our spiritual health.  Healthy Christians grow and mature.  It's natural for the Christian to grow and mature in Christ.  God not only wants us to grow, He commands it!

The Apostle Paul wrote a letter to the church at Corinth, correcting them for their childish attitudes about the spiritual gifts of tongues, knowledge and prophecy.  He encouraged them to grow up, to put away these less mature gifts and to seek the more mature gifts such as love, faith and hope.

We can apply this same encouragement to our lives today.  It's time for us to become mature believers by putting away immature attitudes and actions.  One of the most obvious marks of maturity or immaturity is how we use words.  Mature believers don't speak like children. You never know exactly what a child is going to say but we naturally expect childish words to come from children.  Paul is saying that a great measurement of maturity for us as Christians is how well we use words.

Our words need to be controlled. 

In the book of James we find a sobering challenge.  "We all make many mistakes, but those who control their tongues can also control themselves in every other way." James 3:2 (NLT) If we can control our tongues we can control ourselves. James, a disciple of Jesus, compares the tongue to the rudder on a ship, a bit in the horse's mouth or a spark that starts a huge fire.  The tongue is powerful and difficult to control.  Our words can give or destroy life.  Once a word is spoken, it is eternal.

Our words need to be encouraging. 

One of the highest responsibilities in the body of Christ is to practice encouragement.  A word of encouragement may be a life preserver to someone drowning in a storm of life.

Our words need to be truthful. 

Mark Twain said, "A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes." Lies hold us in bondage while truth sets us free.

We need to be extremely careful what we say and how we say it because the spoken word is powerful.  It can bless or curse, express praise or whisper slander.  It can be a tool of blessing or a weapon of destruction.  How we use the tongue is a dead give-away of our spiritual maturity.  If we don't learn to control our tongue, it will control us!  It's time to grow up!

Prayer,
Father, I confess that in many ways I am still so childish and lack maturity.   I now lay those areas before you and ask that you take control, teaching me your ways. Lord, help me control my tongue and speak words that would encourage and build others up.  Right now, I give myself anew to you and pray that in the days to come, I will grow up so that others will see you in my life.  Amen.

GIRLFRIENDS IN GOD by Mary Southerland © 2006. All rights reserved. (Please include this line to forward the message).

Gaining a Positive Attitude

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)

I once counseled a young wife who had been sexually attacked when she was a young girl. I could see by the expression on her face that she was still discouraged and distressed about the incident and embarrassed to talk about it. Feeling she had been cheated in life, she was somewhat resentful that God had allowed such a horrible thing to happen. Still unable to eliminate her deep feeling of shame over the situation, she began to discuss how she felt about it now as an adult.

 

I began by telling her she would never be free from the resentment, shame, and negative attitude resulting from her experience unless she could first see the benefits which resulted from the attack. She looked at me like I was crazy and she asked, "What benefits?"

 

"I'm going to ask you a very difficult question based on two Scriptures—1 Thessalonians 5:18 and Romans 8:28. Do you think that right now you could thank God that this happened to you?"

 

"You've got to be kidding me," she said. "I could never thank God. The only thing I could ever by thankful for is that I didn't become mentally ill because of the attack. I'm thankful for that."

 

"I'm not asking you to be 'thankful' that it was a terrible experience. I'm just asking you to be willing to say, 'Thank you, God, for that attack because I know You can turn it into good. I just can't see the good now'" (Isaiah 61:3; Rom. 8:28).

 

She didn't think she could do that, which was understandable. However, I told her she could work through her feelings, and then I asked her if she would like my help. She responded, "By all means."

 

"First, let's look at your dating life before you got married. Did you ever let anyone take advantage of you sexually when you were dating?"

 

She replied, "Absolutely not! When that man did that to me, I said no other man would ever take advantage of me again."

 

"So in other words, because that happened to you as a child, you never got involved in any immorality in high school or college. Consequently, you have been spared the hurts that can come from an illicit relationship. It may have even saved you from the consequences of pregnancy before marriage. In essence, the man gave you a vaccination that may have saved you from worse problems," I said.

 

"Yeah, I never though of it like that, but that's exactly what happened," she replied.

 

"Now I'm going to show you the most important thing of all. You received a gift at the very time the attack took place. Do you know what I'm referring to?"

 

"No, what is it?"

 

"You received a priceless quality that will enable you to better love others in a genuine way. That is, greater sensitivity. How alert are you to your children's needs and your husband's needs?"

 

"Very alert!"

 

"I can believe that. It's only naturally that when something terrible happens to us, we become even more aware of and sensitive to the sufferings of those around us. Awareness and sensitivity then become the basis of genuine love—being able to detect another person's need and having the motivation to meet that need in an effective way."

 

I continued by asking what kind of man she had married. Was he calloused or gentle? She said her husband was a very loving, tender, gentle man. She considered him a wonderful husband. It became increasingly obvious to both of us that because she had been abused by a man, she had become more aware of her need for a gentle and compassionate husband. She realized how the experience had "sensitized" her to the type of husband she really needed.

 

By the time she left my office, she had all the reasons she needed to thank God for her past. After being in bondage to negative feelings for years, she was set free simply by thinking through the positive factors involved.

 

The first step to gaining a positive attitude is to discover the benefits of the negative situations. (Incidentally, I haven't heard of a situation yet that lacked positive benefits.) It often seems that more tragic the situation, the greater the positive consequences. I am not saying that as we recognize the positive side of a negative situation, we can be liberated from the chains that tie us to guilt, resentment, despair, and any other negative feeling which has held us captive.

 

With this principle, I must include two cautions: First, I am not providing an excuse to do something wrong, with the rationalization that something good will come of it. I believe that such reasoning is shallow and perverted in that the wrongdoer is always the loser (Luke 17:1-2). Second, people who are suffering from tragedy don't need a flippant statements such as, "I know you can find some good in this if you really try." So first be sensitive to their emotions and their immediate needs for comfort. When the time is right, after empathic comfort has been extended graciously and gently, then you can begin to help them see the benefits of their problems.

The more you discover the inherent benefits of your own problems, the more positive your attitude will become.

Gaining a Positive Attitude by Dr. Gary Smalley